Stone Free

An onerous night. Little sleep.

Pain: acute; shifting, aching, throbbing. Can’t sit up: hurts too much. Must lie down: momentary relief. Now lying hurts: must sit up.

Walk around: bad idea.

Try to shit: pressure on the old chocolate sphincter provides temporary relief. Nothing comes out. Shat too many times already.

Go back to couch. Can’t sit up: hurts too much. Really very painful now.

Reminded of own mortality.

Call an ambulance? No, try to make it through the night.

Writhe for hours. Family asleep upstairs. Mustn’t disturb them. Stay here. Hope they don’t encounter corpse in the morning. Would spoil breakfast.

Awake in yesterday’s clothing. Slept. No pain. Wait… a dull ache. Manageable.

Make children’s breakfast. Pain returning.

Make Eloïse’s lunch. Now it’s intense again.

Call doctor. Voice mail. Wanker.

Call doctor again. Voice mail. Wanker.

One last time. Voice mail. Wanker.

Pain slips away into nothingness. What?

Bike Eloïse to school.

Pop in on doctor without appointment. Piss in cup. Confirms suspicion.

Leave surgery. Pain returns. Sod’s law.

Spend morning pissing blood. Fall asleep twice on couch. Tired.

Awake again. No pain. Doesn’t return. Relief.

Passed a fucking kidney stone. Always wondered how it would feel to have a pebble scrape its way down a ureter. Don’t recommend it.

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