We had very little on the agenda for today, which is how some people like to spend every day of their holiday, but for us, it’s something of an exception.
We get up earlier and do many more things when on holiday than when we’re at home; and the same was true when we both had jobs, before you ask.
We awoke to a better view today. The sand has died down, but it’s still a little hazy. At least we were able to see Palm Jumeirah through the floor-to-ceiling windows this morning, or one or two of its fronds, in any case.
After a refreshing shower under the four jets of our lovely shower cubicle, breakfast was taken in the Al Iwan restaurant. It was a fantastic buffet spread, but didn’t quite manage to justify the exorbitant price.
Really, the only way to deal with a place like this is to enjoy yourself and look at your credit card statements when they arrive. If you studiously analyse every bill you sign for, you’re going to put yourself on edge pretty quickly and taint the experience for yourself. It’s better to indulge in the moment, try not to think too much about the cost, and then just look back on the place with fond memories after the fact.
After breakfast, we collected complimentary vouchers for the Wild Wadi water park and had one of the buggies ferry us down to the park.
I’ve never been to a water park before, but I suspect that this is a good one. I enjoyed it immensely, at least.
When we arrived, it was a shockingly low 20°C. I couldn’t believe it. Just before we left the hotel, it had even rained for a few minutes. We were actually worried that we might be cold at the park.
It’s best to come early, especially at the weekend, as it can get busy very quickly. Luckily for us as guests at the hotel, we were able to enter at 10:00, one hour before the park officially opens. This helps one beat the crowds.
Eloïse wasn’t too sure about the family ride, which involved sitting in a large paddling pool and being blasted around a water chute by fast-moving water. It wasn’t anything wild, but Eloïse didn’t much care for the experience, possibly because the splashes of water were cold, moreso when the breeze then blew across you.
As the morning wore on, the sun started to put in an appearance and both the air and water temperature started to rise.
The Jumeirah Sceirah (read: scarer) is the ultimate ride in the park, a huge slide that plunges you 33 metres at 80 kmh over three or four seconds. The ride has no deep water, so it’s perfect for me, as I still can’t swim. All you need is a head for heights and a stomach for the speed and steepness of the descent.
I climbed the tower of the ride, which offered excellent views of the Burj Al Arab. Warning signs on the way cautioned the prospective rider to “know his own limits” and be aware that “swimsuits may be pulled off by water force”.
Atop the tower, I climbed into position and prepared for the descent. Sarah waited for me at the base, along with Eloïse. I was told to cross my arms and feet, in a kind of pharaoh position. Presumably, this prevents something getting wrenched painfully on the way down.
Anyway, I did as I was told and nudged myself into motion. The first second or so was easy, but before you can even think about what might be coming next, you are plunged over steep humps in the ride, your stomach lurching and your body becoming weightless as you feel yourself lifting slightly out of the chute. At this point, you can’t even see anything, because the water is blasting into your face so quickly. The view is rather like that from behind the windscreen of a car going through a car-wash.
An involuntary yell found its way out of my mouth and I found myself submitting to whichever fate awaited me. Amazingly, my body weight suddenly returned, my speed slowed, the view cleared and it was all over.
If I make it sound improbably exciting, believe me, that’s how I personally experienced it.
Sarah didn’t fancy the look of the Jumeirah Sceirah and Eloïse didn’t want to be parted from Mama, but I persuaded Sarah to have a go on one of the uphill roller-coaster rides. Sarah jumped in an inflatable ring and was launched up a chute and off to god knows where. It was a good ten minutes before she returned, having enjoyed the experience immensely.
It was coming up on the small one’s nap time, so we went back to the hotel and changed for lunch. We headed down to Souk Madinat Jumeirah and ate outside at a waterside table. The setting was gorgeous and the sun was now blazing. It was a comfortable 23°C or so.
We went looking for presents in the souq and then, when Eloïse finally woke up, we took her to the Jumeirah Hotel’s children’s park. I didn’t stay long, however, and returned to the hotel to relax. I also wanted to check out some of the hotel’s boutiques, just for fun. I was shown a €283,000 (±$340,000) watch. Cool; I’ll take four of them. Put them on my tab.
At this point, I’m now recognised by some of the security staff at the euphemistically named Welcome Centre (Fuck Off Centre might be a better sobriquet, as it exists primarily to keep people out) and they wave me and my buggy driver through.
It’s amazing to be staying at a hotel that has become a tourist attraction in its own right. Busloads of tourists are constantly pulling up just short of the security checkpoint, so that the occupants can pile out, take a few photos, and then reboard and move to the next stop on the sightseeing tour.
Ordinary folk need to call 24 hours in advance if they want to visit this hotel. If allowed to visit, they’ll be met and given a short tour before having to leave again.
Guests of other Jumeirah properties, on the other hand, can come here at set times during the day for a nose around and a few photos. Outside of those hours, however, the Burj is a sanctuary for its residents.
It’s strange to be on the inside looking out. When all’s said and done, it’s still only a hotel, but the experience is definitely unlike any other and I’m very grateful for the privilege of being able to undergo it.
If you can afford to spend a couple of days here, you’ll definitely go home with lasting memories. It would make a wonderful honeymoon destination, for example, perhaps for a couple of days en route to somewhere further afield.
My only complaints about the place are very minor. I can’t print from the in-room laptop, for example. I’ll live. Neither of our ordered newspapers turned up today, either; it turns out they’re unavailable, so the huge complimentary newspaper list suddenly becomes a lot less impressive.
One of the boutiques on the ground floor sells Burj-branded products of every description, including a couple of interesting-looking CDs. However, no way is offered to actually hear these CDs before buying and, unsurprisingly, they’re unavailable elsewhere and more expensive than normal CDs. There’s a DVD about the hotel on sale, too. Its asking price of about €20 doesn’t seem unreasonable until you check the playing length and see that the DVD lasts a whole ten minutes. Sorry, we might be a little indulgent from time to time, but we’re not that giddy.
Dinner was a buffet at the hotel’s Al Iwan once again. The food was great, but not stellar. The bill, of course, was astronomical. If it sounds like I’m complaining, I’m really not. The ambience was lovely and the service friendly and extremely attentive. They won’t even let you pour your own coffee from the pot around here. Even the sugar lumps are plonked into your coffee by Christofle tongs operated by someone else’s hand.
Seriously, you’re almost afraid to scratch your arse around here, in case someone dives in from the sidelines to do it for you.
So, this is how the other half live, eh? I told Sarah yesterday that I could quickly get used to this. Today, I feel like I am used to it.
But not altogether; it’s still an entertaining novelty, a fun thing to do, a privilege and not something to overindulge in. I would say it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I can imagine returning at some point in the future, albeit briefly again.
For bedtime, we’ve taken the plunge and ordered the premium down quilt for ourselves and the child’s down pillow for Eloïse. These are complimentary, before you accuse us of taking leave of our senses.
Tomorrow is our final full day at the Burj and we have nothing at all planned, which is the ideal schedule for our last day.